Bangkok’s underground railway, the MRT, has announced the introduction of a scheme designed to increase capacity on the system without buying any extra trains.
Compulsory – but free – showers for all Farangs will be introduced at all entrances to the MRT system.
Field-Marshal Wottadoot, Professor of Hygiene at Mahilongsaet School of Tropical Food Poisoning, explained the need for the showers: “Time and again we see that seats next to smelly Farangs remain unoccupied, even at peak hours. If Thai people can see when they enter the MRT that we are taking action to clean up Farangs, then they will be less reluctant to go near them.” It is expected that this could increase occupancy around the average seated Farang by as much as 200% and a standing Farang by a whopping 400% or more.
“We just want people to be happy on the MRT, and what could be happier than being able to get close to your fellow-travellers without vomiting?” Field Marshal Professor Wottadoot concluded.
An anonymous strolling military accountant further explained that every new MRT train takes a sizeable bite out of the Navy’s submarine budget. Reducing the demand for trains is a major national security priority for the Junta.
In a similar move the Bangkok Skytrain is rumoured to be considering the idea of Farang-only carriages, to run at peak shopping times, with beefed up ventilation and deodorant misters on the doors.
Official Farang Spokesthing Dickie Handcart, as one might expect, welcomed the idea enthusiastically. “It’s about time we addressed the problem of the stinky Farang in Thailand. And what could be better than a FREE shower? I look forward to these systems being at the entrance to all shopping malls and especially immigration offices.”
Meanwhile, the US Embassy updated its travel advisory for Thailand to include the suggestion that US citizens should invest in waterproof cameras and ‘cell-phones’ before travelling to Bangkok.