On arrival at major airports in Thailand, tourists will have the opportunity to take photographs with heavily armed troops before being strip-searched and having drugs planted on them. Then it’s over to Police HQ for a welcome drink and beating before a reception at the CIA’s exclusive water-boarding resort in the basement of the US Embassy.
Many spas throughout the country will be providing ‘attitude-adjustment’ packages which will include traditional Thai foot massage with bamboo canes and electro-convulsive shock therapy. For gamblers a deluxe package will give them the opportunity to re-live the Russian-roulette scene from ‘The Deer Hunter’, only this time with live ammunition. No Hollywood fakery here!
Finally, honoured visitors can relax in an isolation cell until their visible wounds have healed before being deported. Thailand Elite card-holders can choose from a range of Jim Thompson silk-lined body-bags for VIP repatriation.
“We’re hoping to make Thailand a Martial Law Hub for South East Asia!” enthused Tourism Minister Wattadum Aydeea.