Christmas in Thailand has been cancelled.
Traditionally, the end of the Rainy Season brings the start of the three-month Christmas Season in Thailand. But not this year.
Junta Spokesthing Chief Petty Officer General Mautpeet announced that Christmas is un-Thai and undermines the Junta’s attempts to promote ‘Thainess’ in, of all places, Thailand. It is not clear if the subsequent four-month New Year Season will also be cancelled or will simply be extended to start three-months early.
Thailand’s leading political analyst, speaking from a safe-house in the slums of Nakhon Nowhere, said “We think that, for years, the Thai Right has linked Santa with Thaksin based on the colour of his clothes.” Such damning evidence is considered to be more than sufficient to get Santa lynched if he ever sets foot in Thailand again.
We used huge amounts of coffee to sober-up the chairman of the Thai Lawyers’ Troupe, Soomee Aimacruk, and asked him about the legal basis for the ban. He eventually told us “How the hell should I know? Lawyering is all about ceremony and protocol, we leave all that legalese crap to the Army.”
Plans were proposed to change Santa’s suit colour back to a more traditional shade of green, but the Foreign Correspondents’ Club of Thailand vetoed the idea as it may lead to the rotund little drunkard to be mistaken for an accredited journalist.
An official statement from the Ratchprasong Trader’s Association read simply “Yeah, right. Bring it on.”
So, keep your baubles polished – this ain’t over…