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Is Gravity Unconstitutional?

Famed English katoey and cross-dressing English physicist Isaac Newton

Famed English katoey and cross-dressing physicist Isaac Newton

Thai constitutional scholars have discovered procedural errors which may lead to the Law of Gravity being overturned in Thailand.

Scholars at Thailand’s foremost legal think-tank – based at the McDonald’s off Democracy Monument – have revealed that the British ‘Law of Gravity’ may not be enforceable under Thai law. Chief Justice of the Thai Supreme Court, Justice Bungusawedge Angerroff, agrees with their conclusions, “If foreign governments can disregard our lèse majesté laws, then we can certainly pick and choose which foreign laws we want to obey – including the so-called ‘Law of Gravity’.”

Gravity causes considerable difficulties for Thai businesses, for the building and aviation sectors in particular. “The amount of money we have to spend ensuring that buildings do not fall down severely limits our profits” said Somchai Dakkowboi, chair of the Thai Construction Industry Federation, “and it’s all the fault of some foreign law.”

Professor Nottoosmart, Chair of Physics and Reincarnation Studies at Thammakorn University, explained the origins of the law: “Gravity was first introduced in England in the seventeenth century before the invention of ladders. A Cambridge katoey called Isaac Newton invented gravity to help with the harvesting of apples. Since apples are not native to Thailand, there’s no reason to have gravity here.”

The Thai Airline Federation and Lottery Syndicate (TAFLS), currently threatened with a worldwide safety downgrade, is lobbying hard to repeal gravity which it sees as a barrier to their return to profitability and ambitions to raise their collective safety rating from ‘Certain Death’ to ‘Meh…’

The only dissenting voice comes from the diamond-encrusted keyboard of celebrity travel-blogger and aviatrix Dickie Handcart “This could ruin my drone-based pizza delivery start-up and endanger the jobs of the millions of Thais that work for me. I will issue orders to the NCPO to ensure gravity stays in Thailand. I won’t hesitate to invoke section 44 if I have to.”